Business and Pleasure: Shaken not Stirred

Surprise Stash Shows They Do Not Mix Well

Last week a guy in Billerica was getting ready to install a new vanity and sink he bought at Home Depot when he discovered a fat wad of marijuana in the package.

"He found that it contained, instead of the sink top, about 50 pounds of marijuana," said Police Sgt. Roy Frost, adding that the find could fetch as much as $100,000 on the street, which might just resolve the police department's projected budget shortfall this year.

In a private interview, the unnamed mule of said confiscated contrband explained that while making a run he ducked into the Tewksbury Home Depot to pick up some gardening tools. "I go in the store and I was like, oh--let me put down my stash for a second. Cause it's heavy, man. 100 pounds is no joke. Then my friend starts joking around about how I stashed my stash in a Home Depot, in this real funny voice. You gotta hear it. So we're rolling on the ground, laughing and clowning. I laughed so hard, I forgot where I put the stuff. Then my friend was like, "Yo, let's go to Denny's," and I had the munchies real bad and, well, the rest you know."

Joe Ganja is currently on the run from police and Rush Limbaugh who, it appears, has kicked the pharmaceutical habit for a more organic alternative...

GAO Audit Proves Government Money and Pleasure Mix Like Vodka Martinis

The Government Accountability Office says FEMA wrongly paid out nearly $1.5 billion in assistance to victims of Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. Some of the items purchased with FEMA assistance?

-A 1-week Caribbean resort vacation in the Dominican Republic
-Five season tickets packages to the New Orleans Saints
-"Girls Gone Wild" videos
-Dom Perignon at Hooters
-Expenses at various "gentlemen's clubs"
-A sex change operation

All of which could also be seen as attempts to get over pain and suffering from the disasters, a point that could strengthen the case for beleaguered FEMA officials under the microscope for lack of federal planning or oversight or general brain function.

Congressional investigators' next probe will ponder whether what's good for the gander is good for the contractor... but will they ever probe the goose?