Have you seen Mr. Jones today?

Chances are you don't remember your first high. That is, unless you were raised by crunchy, granola-eating hippies who sheltered you from the sweet stuff when you were a kid. If you've been to a 1st, 2nd, or 3rd Birthday party, you've probably witnessed a "first high." This year I've been privy to watch two 1-year-olds take their first tastes of cake.

Icing touches lips. Tongue investigates. Eyes widen. Mouth gapes for more. Face brightens. Eyes roll backward. Sweet bliss. People spend their lifetime trying to recapture the rush, but is it ever as good as the first time?

Throughout my childhood, the corner store bore treasures to provoke uncontrollable laughter and send me spinning towards ecstasy: SweeTarts, Big League Chew, Bonkers, Pixie Stix, Lik M Aid’s Fun Dip, Blow Pops, Sour Patch Kids, Swedish Fish, Laffy Taffy, Bottle Caps, Nerds, Runts, Tart ‘n’ Tinys, Snickers, , Butterfingers, Reese’s Peanut butter Cups, Jolly Ranchers, Everlasting Gobstoppers, Hostess pies, Ho-Ho’s, Twinkies, Little Debbie cakes, Scooter Crunch Bars, Oreos, ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My hands quiver now thinking about it.

I’d pool change with friends to attack the candy store after school. Borrow. Bum. Collect cans and bottles. Use a five-finger-discount. Whatever it took to get a fix. Somehow I managed to escape early adolescence without a cavity and skinny as hell. Ahh, the wonders of the human body.

In his book, The Botany of Desire, Michael Pollan ponders whether sweetness is the prototype of all desire? But, could it be that sugar is the ultimate gateway drug? A relatively benign substance that introduces kids to the high and leads to harder drugs and eventual addiction. Marijuana is probably the most frequently cited substance in the gateway drug debate, but I say, why stop there? With no sugar highs, we wouldn’t know any better and may never seek out stronger mind-altering substances. Sugar, and sweetness in general, may hold the key to saving our social fabric. The annihilation of sweetness from the collective consciousness could help all of us regain the virtuous custom of restraining our appetite of pleasure for the senses.

Those with the courage, stand up and fight (but click here for one last roll in the hay) to reclaim moral high ground by confronting the sugary root of sin. Godspeed you!*

*I make no pledge to meet you in the promised land. I love me my sugar!