Have you seen Mr. Jones today?

Chances are you don't remember your first high. That is, unless you were raised by crunchy, granola-eating hippies who sheltered you from the sweet stuff when you were a kid. If you've been to a 1st, 2nd, or 3rd Birthday party, you've probably witnessed a "first high." This year I've been privy to watch two 1-year-olds take their first tastes of cake.

Icing touches lips. Tongue investigates. Eyes widen. Mouth gapes for more. Face brightens. Eyes roll backward. Sweet bliss. People spend their lifetime trying to recapture the rush, but is it ever as good as the first time?

Throughout my childhood, the corner store bore treasures to provoke uncontrollable laughter and send me spinning towards ecstasy: SweeTarts, Big League Chew, Bonkers, Pixie Stix, Lik M Aid’s Fun Dip, Blow Pops, Sour Patch Kids, Swedish Fish, Laffy Taffy, Bottle Caps, Nerds, Runts, Tart ‘n’ Tinys, Snickers, , Butterfingers, Reese’s Peanut butter Cups, Jolly Ranchers, Everlasting Gobstoppers, Hostess pies, Ho-Ho’s, Twinkies, Little Debbie cakes, Scooter Crunch Bars, Oreos, ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My hands quiver now thinking about it.

I’d pool change with friends to attack the candy store after school. Borrow. Bum. Collect cans and bottles. Use a five-finger-discount. Whatever it took to get a fix. Somehow I managed to escape early adolescence without a cavity and skinny as hell. Ahh, the wonders of the human body.

In his book, The Botany of Desire, Michael Pollan ponders whether sweetness is the prototype of all desire? But, could it be that sugar is the ultimate gateway drug? A relatively benign substance that introduces kids to the high and leads to harder drugs and eventual addiction. Marijuana is probably the most frequently cited substance in the gateway drug debate, but I say, why stop there? With no sugar highs, we wouldn’t know any better and may never seek out stronger mind-altering substances. Sugar, and sweetness in general, may hold the key to saving our social fabric. The annihilation of sweetness from the collective consciousness could help all of us regain the virtuous custom of restraining our appetite of pleasure for the senses.

Those with the courage, stand up and fight (but click here for one last roll in the hay) to reclaim moral high ground by confronting the sugary root of sin. Godspeed you!*

*I make no pledge to meet you in the promised land. I love me my sugar!

mad jazz

Troglodytes CD release party

Friday July 21 @ the lily pad 10pm

1353 cambridge street, inman square, cambridge

The Best of Boston by Bike

Have you seen this mean green machine around town yet? If not, keep your eyes peeled. And no, I don't mean when Andrew gets mad and transforms into the hulk. I'm talking about Urban Adventours' biodiesel truck that runs on vegetable oil. Designed by Emerging Vehicles, this truck turns heads and makes driving a hulking vehicle more environmentally sound. Andrew uses the truck to deliver bicycles for tours or rentals. He also loves the smell of egg rolls and fries that wafts from the tail pipe.

If you're looking for an escape from the norm, get in touch with Andrew (info@urbanadventours.com; 617.233.7595). Got friends coming into town? Take a tour with him and you will get a fresh perspective on the Boston area. Rent mountain bikes or cruisers.

Smell french fries and BK is no where in sight, look around, it's probably just Andrew Prescott keeping it wheel.

Bushit Heard Round the World

BBC catches Bush telling Blair: the irony is, Syria needs to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit.

The irony is, Bush is president.

Frappe Le Conard

The link to this Zidane v. Materazzi flash game courtesy of Jonathan.

Ferme-la. Ever seen an Italian lose his head?

Movie trailer: Enter the Z

Nothing to see here. Keep moving, people.

BOSTON – Falling concrete slabs killed a woman driving through the Big Dig late Monday night. Her husband, driving the car, escaped with minor injuries.

Massachusetts Turnpike Authority Chairman Matt Amorello said Tuesday at a press conference that he doesn't believe safety is jeopardized elsewhere in the tunnel system. "We have no evidence whatsoever that the structural integrity and safety of the system has been compromised,” Amarillo said. Moments later he was crushed by a falling concrete block.

Every few months, Big Dig officials remind us that everything is fine, that there is nothing to question the integrity of the construction. Pavement cracks. Water spews from between the roof and walls. Three-ton concrete panels flatten cars and kill people. Just business as usual.

The trouble is, this (and the cover up that follows) is business as usual. $14.6 billion dollars spent and who is in charge? But who cares, it's only taxpayer money.

• In 2005, Bechtel was fined $31 million dollars for cost overruns on the project, at least 4 times too low according to a year-long Boston Globe investigation into mismanagement and abuse.
• Attorney General Tom Reilly agreed to a five-year confidentiality agreement with the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority and Bechtel that gags information from the investigation of tunnel leaks and castrates the state's power to prosecute potential wrongdoing.
• Managers of Aggregate Industries have been charged with intentionally pouring faulty concrete into walls and roof slabs in sections of I-93, I-90, among other places.

Do a little digging and the list continues. So I suggest that we all trust Amarello. Pay no attention to the men behind the curtain, counting their money and laughing their assess off.

I do wonder what would happen if this went down in N.Y. and Eliot Sptizer were on the case?

Les Blues Lose Their Head

If you slept on the World Cup this Sunday, you missed one of the best finals ever (but you probably could care less). If you watched, you saw Zidane do his best to impersonate a bull, which it turns out, he's very good at. Zizou ended his World Cup career on a terrible decision--there was nothing gained by slamming his head into Materazzi's chest, but it must have felt good to barrel over the dumb goon. That is, until he realized he'd been caught. None of the refereees on the field saw what happened, but apparently the sideline judges saw the headbutt on the jumbo t.v. screen and then alerted the ref's attention (which is not legal under FIFA rules, so they deny it. I smell b.s.) Maybe video killed the football star, but no one's to blame except Zidane.
Materazzi may have called Zizou a dirty Arab terrorist, he may have given Zidane a titty-twister, he may have called his sister a whore, he may have told the foulest yo mama joke ever, he may have said, "I'll bet you a hundred bucks you can't knock me off my feet with that big fat bald head." By his own account, Materazzi's an ignorant bastard. He probably deserved it. But it was unfortunate for Zidane to walk off the field, head slumped, with minutes remaining and penalty kicks ensuing. The shootout would have looked very different with Zizou striking. I guess that's what les Blues get for knocking Spain out of the tournament.

Plus:
Watch some of Materazzi's dirty, crazy moves
Watch Materazzi try to remove an angry hamster from his shorts
Watch Materazzi headbutt the equalizer in France's net
Watch Zidane's headbutt one more time from Japan (truly an inventive hit)